Would People Rather See You Sad Than Happy?

Living Life

Many of us thought that fb became a venue for people who want to show/brag things off. Even the simplest thing, most common food, blurred pictures, feeling this-and-that, and the sort of stuff that for us are simply irrelevant but are still posted/shared for all the world to see.

I admit, I once guilty of getting pissed off by these "little things" until I myself turned into a bonafide fb addict. I post almost anything I can think of. If I don't control myself, I have this tendency to update my status every millisecond. Seriously. Why I control? It's not that I care about what people think or say. It's just that I always remember what I used to think about frequent posting of irrelevant (at least for other people) status updates.

Then one day I realized why I turned to fb to express some of my thoughts and feelings. I used it as my medium to let the people who I thought care about me, from my hometown, know my whereabouts, which is why I post happy pictures, inspiring quotes, interesting things (at least for me), mostly about positivity. I tried to avoid sharing anything sad or anything about loneliness (which, by the way, is common during weekends),except homesickness, because I don't want them to worry. Weekend getaways became my antidote for loneliness/homesickness.

What I failed to see is the effect of these innocent, pure fun, weekend/holiday get-aways/out-of-town trips to people who I thought were reasonable. I appreciate being given the benefit of the doubt or asked for some clarifications instead of being misunderstood or condemned. Is it because I was seen being happy and having fun? So, would people rather see you sad than happy? Would that make them feel good about themselves?
Is it because I'm always with male office-mates? Should I let the world know that there are only 2 female employees in our company, and I am one of the 2? Should I not travel, or refuse invitations of "de-stressing/unwinding" (as we call it) activities with my male office-mates, who I consider family, because I am the only female in the group? In other words, should I limit myself to enjoy life because I will be with male companions?

I don't care what other people say and think. I don't need to explain myself. This is my life. I will live it the way I want to. If they don't like what I do, it's their problem. Not mine. Definitely, not mine.

Instant Realization

There are a lot of things that bother me since last year. There are a lot of changes that happen in my life that made me re-evaluate if I should accept things as they were or not. I thought I wouldn't until today. It's not that I am in the accepting part, it's just that something made me think.

I thought I had given up on my past so I can focus on more important things for the future than companionship. But as soon as I realized that that past is and will always be a part of me, provided I can see silver linings, I know I had to change course. This may sound conditional, but if there are no conditions, it will only mean living the mediocre life I once tried to avoid.

I was selfless in the past, because "their" happiness came first before mine. Although, I have no regrets for everything I did made me happy at some point. Now that I am putting mine first, I get raised eyebrows. I get questioned. I am misunderstood. When my presence was not appreciated, I thought my absence was.

I had crossed the lines. I chose to travel the "roads less traveled". I followed my heart. I did what I wanted to do. I made my dreams come true. Alone. I had to for the sake of my sanity. And I planned on continue doing this for the rest of the year. For those who cannot accept me for what I am now, then I should start planning on living the future alone. If I survived this on my own, I will be better than I used to be.

For now, I am enjoying my own company. I need to do this to rediscover myself so at the end of this, I will be ready to answer the question: Should I accept my past to rebuild the future or should I go on alone?

Change is Inevitable

If I were a middle-aged woman I would have called this state I'm in as a midlife crisis. But I am too far from being middle-aged or at least that's what I want to believe. Wanting and looking for some changes in your life usually happens when you finally realized that it's NOT okay to accept things that do not give you room to grow. If you think something is missing, never, ever, settle until you find that missing piece(s) to complete you. When you reach middle age, it's when you can look back and say to yourself that you have lived life.

To changes towards self-rediscovery, cheers!